Cousins! Part II

Before I dive in to the subject at hand, I need to revisit and add a PS to my last post.  There is a story that I love about my birthmother's wedding rings.  Uncle Jerry and Aunt Yvonne had two girls that they adopted. When they were little, they loved to play with the rings and wear them around the house.  At some point, the engagement ring was missing, and could not be found. After much searching, it was assumed lost forever.
Travel down the road a few years, and arrive at a time of spring cleaning.  Items are being packed up to relocate to the thrift store.  Items including a stuffed animal...with a zipper pouch...a pouch which one of the girls just happened to look in before the final haul.  Guess what was found in the corner of that zippered pouch? The first time I heard it, I was amazed, and then rejoicing greatly to realize that someone came very close to making an awesome return on their investment in a stuffed animal, but Daddy saw fit to rescue the ring, preserve it, and through the Moffits, present it as a gift that overwhelmingly blesses my heart every time I hold it in my hand.

So I mentioned earlier that there were videos! Jerry and Yvonne allowed me to take them home with me so that I could transfer them to DVD. One was the video compilation that my grandfather had made, one a recording of his trip to one of the Alaskan reunions, and the third was a wedding video from 1989, Kansas City, MO.  I watched the whole thing while the DVD was burning. It was an outdoor wedding at a beautiful venue somewhat similar to the Gordon Lee Mansion in Chickamauga. I was struck by the artistic nature of the ceremony.  The processional music consisted of a recorder and a tambourine. There was original poetry, and a song written for the couple. The bride and the groom both walked the white runner with their parents on their arms. They read their own vows. The birds singing in the background, a breeze blowing through the trees, a humorous best man,  and a cultured band made for an enjoyable viewing experience. But other than a very brief clip where I recognized my grandparents, I did not have a clue who these people were. So if there is one thing I have learned many times over on this journey, it is to ask the right questions.
"Hey! Unc! Who is in this wedding video?" Turns out it was the daughter of my grandmother's sister.  Okay wait, so daught...yes, lessee, that makes the bride the first cousin of Unc and Judy, which in turn would be...um...my first cousin, once removed. (Thank you Ancestry for setting me straight! I never could figure that out! I always thought maybe once removed meant there had been a fight, HA)

The last name was very unusual, so I was off! Ancestry, Google, Facebook, and an obituary allowed me to find the contact information I needed. I ramped up the courage and picked up the phone. Answering machine...rats! What do I say? Better come up with something quick! Genealogy research...yes! that will do...
I hung up, and once again embraced a familiar state...the waiting.
A day or two later, I had begun burning a second DVD copy to send back with the original VHS tapes, and my phone rang.  It was cousin Pam (but she did not know that yet). I said "you are not going to believe this, but I am sitting here watching your wedding video right this minute". (cue weird stalker music)
Of course, I had to explain, and launched into a somewhat encapsulated version of my incredible journey of discovery.  Once I sufficiently proved my case, she accepted my Facebook friend request and we continued sharing back and forth.  As she told me about the early days and the connection to my grandparents, I began to realize that some of the pictures I had from the album that Yvonne had put together simply HAD to be Pam's family, so I shared them with her. Sure enough, it was them!

Pam's folks would frequently stop to visit my grandparents, and it was so fun to make that connection. I was saddened to learn that as they grew older, the cousins did not keep in touch as much, as is so often the case.  Life just gets in the way. We have talked several times on the phone, and she contacted her siblings to share the news.  I made copies of the compilation video for them, and shared photos on Facebook. I plan to have a New England Christmas this year, and hope to be able to connect with them at some point during the trip.

As I continue finding new connections and reaching out, I realize that not everyone will be quick to embrace my existence, and some may not even desire to know anything beyond just that.

Out of curiosity, I asked Pam to share her reaction to my first attempt at contact. My friend request on Facebook was ignored as spam because my profile pic was only my pretty red tonails, and she did not have a clue as to who they belonged to.  (Bon Qui Qui would probably blame in on short nails).

The phone call intrigued her and led to that first return call, and I am so glad that we are NOT experiencing a "failure to communicate".

As of this post, I have made an attempt to connect with yet another group of cousins,  this time second cousins made up of a brother and two sisters. Our mothers were first cousins, and our grandmothers were sisters.

Yeah, I am a bit nervous...again...

Hello, Moffits

Bethel Missouri. 

More specifically, Heartland Christian Community.  A Christian compound in the middle of a cornfield. In spite of the rural location, Google Maps brought Mar and I right to my uncle's doorstep.

Before I talk about the actual visit, if you know me even a little, then you know that I was researching and digging before the trip.  I am sure I am not the only one who might get a shiver or two at the thought of a Christian "community" or "compound".  Images reminiscent of Branch Davidians, or Heaven's Gate flirted with my imagination. Even memories of my own personal experience of a church steeped in misplaced emphasis on apostolic position were in the mix.
Don't get me wrong...I have always believed that a group of Jesus followers could successfully live in literal community...as long as they could successfully rid themselves of the negativities of the human condition, including things like pride, selfishness and arrogance.

So I researched and found no shortage of material.

Heartland Community (Oct 2014) (a 30 min report from KBIA Public Rado MO)

Heartland Home

Heartland - About Us (Heartland Website)

There were several other places that I researched, including a thread of comments which spotlighted both complaints and praise.  It seemed that the majority of the negative press came from the discipline side of the picture.  If some of the claims were true, then my eyebrows might be raised a little. However, I also know that after my years of ministering with a group in Orlando, I learned an awful lot about people struggling with a variety of issues.  You would find us in the jail, nursing homes, street ministry, a youth ranch (somewhat similar to Heartland in many ways). Addiction, respect, anger...people acting out based on what they had been dealt in life.  And there will always be the rebels who compound the issues at hand by being confrontational instead of respectfully challenging what is not right.  I did read many success stories of people who graduated the program and then willingly stayed on to work on the farm or various other positions.

So, I wasn't sure what to expect as we drove on to the property.

We found the house, and I took a few deep breaths.  I gathered up the remaining roses and the bouquet of flowers we had purchased to present to Aunt Yvonne.  Mar was ready with the camera, and I went to the door and knocked. Time seemed to crawl in those few moments, but finally the door opened, and there he stood.  Uncle Jerry...Judy's brother...my real flesh and blood relative!

I was not even sure where or how to start. My processor was on overload, and honestly I was so glad to have "never-meet-a-stranger" Marianne with me. We chatted, had dinner, and just dove in to getting to know each other.  I was thrilled to know that Jerry wrote poetry and dabbled in artistic outlets.  Scrimshaw was one medium, and I was fascinated by the detail!

Unc (as he lovingly came to be called) acted as our tour guide and showed us around the compound boasting the largest dairy farm in MO, with a huge milking carousel, a creamery shipping cheese all over, roughly 17,000 acres producing corn, soybeans, wheat, alfalfa, and raising dairy cows, beef cattle, goats and horses.

Back at the house, we had time to sit and talk, and they brought out some photos to go through.  In my ignorance I began snapping pictures of pictures. I say ignorance because I had no idea that Aunt Yvonne had been working tirelessly to put together an album for me to keep.  An album loaded with pictures of Judy, as well as some others of family. It was a fantastic treasure!!

Another treasure was when they presented me with Judy's wedding rings. It was a very beautiful set, but man did she have some little fingers, LOL! I am exploring some design ideas to see what options exist that would allow me to wear them.

There were also a few videos that we watched, and I got choked up to see Judy playing the piano and singing with my grandfather. There were many clips of old home movies that my grandfather had taken and put together on one video. There was also a unique wedding ceremony that I will talk about in the next post.

Sunday morning we all went to church together. It was a good service, and I was able to meet Charlie Sharpe, who founded Heartland.  One of the songs that grabbed me that morning was "Good Good Father", and I was reminded again that my identity first and foremost has always been defined by being loved by God. ("It's who I am") All of my life I was aware somehow of that love, no matter how crazy things were. Toward the end of the service Jerry and Yvonne asked me to go up with them for prayer. As we stepped out into the isle, Jerry leaned over and said to me "I can and will be your kinsman redeemer".  That was such a powerful statement in that moment, and it spoke healing to my orphaned heart.

Mar and I had to leave right away after the service because we had a 5 hour drive to get me back to the airport. Part of me did not want to say goodbye. The Moffits made me feel quite comfortable and welcomed me with open arms.

And of course I will be forever grateful to my chaufferette!

I had much to reflect on, so much to process...